


Falling Apart at the Seams

by Graceful_Storyteller



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by Iron Man 3 trailer, M/M, PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-04
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-17 23:09:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graceful_Storyteller/pseuds/Graceful_Storyteller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony shooed away the god’s reluctant babysitters and waited with baited breath for Loki to share the secret of how he managed to sleep, to dream, to <i>live</i> after being a witness to such savage malice. Loki simply smiled and said, “The secret, Stark, is to burn the world before it burns you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Apart at the Seams

**Author's Note:**

> After watching the Iron Man 3 trailer I was filled with lots of angst and this followed.

After New York everything had been different – Tony had been different. He’d seen the other side of the universe and the image of that nightmare place had been forever burned into his mind. Every time he closed his eyes he saw it – saw death and torture and the insidious beings behind the mechanisms. He’d tried to forget, tried to carry on with his life; but forgetting wasn’t an option. Instead he’d taken to overcompensating, to throwing himself into as many projects as he could. Most of them revolved around ways of keeping Pepper safe from the monsters on the other side. She was the most precious thing in his life and he was willing to do _anything_ to protect her. Pepper had seen the change in him, had hoped it was a phase he would grow out of. When he didn’t she told him that she couldn’t stand it any longer – she wasn’t a breakable glass doll but a grown woman who didn’t need to be coddled. She wanted him to stop his research, his attempts to improve himself, his _reckless life-endangering experiments_. She told him that he might not care if he died, but she did; she cared so much that it hurt to watch him risk his life so thoughtlessly. She said she couldn’t take it anymore and left.

 

For months after Tony swung between wallowing in a drunken depression and lashing out in a drunken rage. He’d tracked Pepper down and tried to win her back. He’d been stupid and drunk and scared her so badly that Fury had called in Rhodey, the Black Widow and Hawkeye to remove him from her home. The wake-up call came when JARVIS made a call of his own volition and Hulk turned up to smash some sense into him. If even Bruce and Tony’s own creation had turned against him then he knew he must have done something wrong.

 

Tony had retreated to his tower and contemplated putting an end to it all, not caring about the media coverage of his breakdown or his haemorrhaging company. He still couldn’t sleep, still kept going back to that place that should only exist in nightmares. After everything he’d been through: the shitty relationships with his parents, the brief period of bullying at school, the attempted kidnapping when he was ten, the death of Jarvis, the death of his parents, Afghanistan, Obie, his near death experiences, New York – he just wanted it to end. He refused to let people see him, and when JARVIS overrode the order and allowed access to a stream of people who just wanted to help him (Rhodey, Fury, Bruce, Steve) he snapped at all of them and was generally an asshole. They all saw the signs of his depression but only Bruce said anything that was actually helpful. He was the one who was able to coax Tony into leaving the bottle and thoughts of suicide behind.

 

It helped that Bruce’s therapy sessions happened to coincide with the arrival of two familiar Norse gods. Apparently Loki had been sent back to Earth to make up for all the trouble he’d caused by fighting alongside the Avengers against the titan Thanos and his approaching army. Tony had been intrigued enough by their return to leave the tower for the first time in weeks. Thor had, quite sincerely and in his own medieval way, informed Tony that he looked like shit. Loki had just stared at him and in that moment Tony had been sure that _he knew_. He too had seen that place at the other end of the universe, had witnessed the horror that flourished there and that was slowly making its way towards them.

 

Tony’s suspicions were confirmed later that week when Loki asked to speak to him alone. Tony shooed away the god’s reluctant babysitters and waited with baited breath for Loki to share the secret of how he managed to sleep, to dream, to _live_ after being a witness to such savage malice. Loki simply smiled and said, “The secret, Stark, is to burn the world before it burns you.”

 

Loki’s attempted invasion made a lot more sense after that. So did his claim that he had allowed himself to be defeated by presenting them with opportunities that should never have seen the light of day. He’d wanted to rule Earth, to protect himself by being king of all, but failing that he was happy to lose and turn the universe’s attention towards Thanos. To raze the titan and his army to the ground would be just as satisfying as sitting on the throne of Midgard.

 

Much to everyone’s initial dismay, Tony started spending a lot of time with Loki. The god taught him coping mechanisms, introduced him to the tricks that allowed Loki to sleep for a few hours every night. Loki’s guidance was what eventually pulled Tony away from the brink of self-destruction and pushed him towards the edge of normality. He once again took pride in his appearance, he steered Stark Industries away from total bankruptcy, and he apologised to Pepper and asked her to be CEO until after his intergalactic war was over. She agreed on the condition that she would have total control of everything and that he would stay far away from her. He accepted her terms and was incredibly thankful that she wasn’t a spiteful person and didn’t sell the company to Hammer Industries before retiring as a millionaire. True, she hired people that he didn’t like to help her out, but Tony kept his word and didn’t get involved.

 

Preparations for the approaching war progressed and people stopped caring about how much time Tony was spending with Loki. Only idiots (i.e. the World Security Council) failed to see that they were keeping each other sane, and that when they did get out of control the damage was only minor and something Tony could effortlessly throw money at to make it go away. When the two of them found themselves in a relationship very few people batted an eyelash. They’d seen it coming and had grudgingly accepted that this was the price they needed to pay to stop Loki from burning cities and Tony from drinking himself to death. They both found solace in each other, in having another person who _understood_. It helped that they were naturally compatible: two egotistical assholes with a love for the dramatic, a similar level of intelligence, a twisted and sometimes cruel sense of humour, and a laundry list of issues that began with ‘daddy never loved me’ and ended with ‘it would be so easy and satisfying to lay waste to everything, but I am above that now’. In another time and place they would have been too similar and clashed dreadfully, but here and now they had bonded and found a way to use each other for support. There were others who they also leaned on (Loki on Thor, Tony on Rhodey and Bruce) but it wasn’t the same as talking to another survivor. That was how Tony thought of himself and Loki: survivors of something other people just couldn’t comprehend. He feared they would though, soon enough, when Thanos finally made his grand entrance.

 

“If I die, will you mourn?” Loki asks absently, his fingers lazily caressing Tony’s back and shoulders after a bout of extremely energetic sex.

 

“Baby, if you die then there’s not much hope for the rest of us,” Tony huffs playfully. Becoming a little more serious, he adds, “Yeah, if you die and I live, I’ll definitely mourn you. I’ll commission Hollywood to make a movie about your life, I’ll set up a charity in your name, I’ll have statues erected in your honour. The plaque will say, ‘Loki: too good to be a hero.’”

 

The ghost of a smile touches Loki’s lips. “If you die I will ensure that no government or military takes your technology and that Miss Potts is provided for.”

 

“Pepper has my company, she doesn’t need providing for.”

 

“True, but she is a stubborn and impulsive woman. I will ensure that she does not throw away everything you have left to her in order to spite you in the afterlife, or put all your delightful creations to sleep so that she need not be constantly reminded of you. Your butler and assistants deserve more than that.”

 

Tony’s heart aches with how much he loves Loki in that moment. “I want you to get my cars and I want you to learn to drive them. If Barton or Rogers tries to touch my babies you have permission to use deadly force...let Happy have one, though, because he’s earned it. And Rhodey can keep the suit I let him steal just so long as he doesn’t sell his soul to the military. And there’s a list of people who I want you to convince to give heartfelt eulogies at my funeral; all those dumb fuckers who it’ll kill to be forced to say nice things about me instead of dancing on my grave. I also want AC/DC played at my funeral and everybody to be a weeping mess during it, and then a huge after party. Only cool people are invited to the after party though. Oh, and-”

 

Loki presses him into the mattress and kisses him until he’s breathless. “I will make it so that nobody ever forgets your name or doubts that you were anything less than perfect,” the god whispers mere inches from his lips, his eyes half-lidded and burning.

 

“Your silver tongue will have to work extra hard to do that,” Tony mumbles, pulling Loki back in for a kiss.

 

“Do not doubt what I will do for you Stark if I am forced to watch you die.”

 

“I don’t doubt anything; I’ve seen what you can do.”

 

Loki’s smile is twisted, jaded, and Tony tries not to think about all the atrocities the god might commit if he once again loses someone he loves. Tony also refuses to think about the carnage that would result from Loki’s death; he’s sure most of it would be against himself, but the incident with Pepper has taught him that it is easy to lose focus and have the violence spread onto those around you. Tony doesn’t care if he kills himself, but he’ll be damned if he’s going to once again let other people be hurt by his own selfishness.

 

 Tony reaches hungrily for Loki’s mouth and kisses him until all the bad thoughts fall away. Loki drinks him in with an equally savage thirst, and Tony’s sure the god is just as eager as he is to spend these last few days enjoying life before Armageddon arrives. The latest scans predict less than a week before Thanos touches down with his army of nightmares; but until then Fury has ordered the Avengers to take some leave and say their goodbyes. It’s unexpectedly sentimental for dear old Nick, but Tony suspects it is a ploy to remind them of what they are fighting for so that they will give this battle everything they have. Whatever the motives behind the order, Tony isn’t about to complain. He rather enjoys these lazy mornings curled up by Loki’s side, the hours of peace and tranquillity interspersed with those of hot, animalistic sex. It’s how he wishes he could spend every morning for the rest of his life. First, though, he must purge the universe of the source of his frequent bouts of insomnia and Loki’s violent nightmares. He knows that won’t be enough to fix the two of them (they’re both far too broken by this point to ever hope to be fixed) but maybe, just maybe, once Thanos is dead they’ll be able to make something out of the pieces of themselves that have not been lost.

 


End file.
